1.4 Creative Writing

The shadow is where I belong now, endless darkness unraveling from the truth. The emptiness of my house scares me. It was a deafening silence. I didn’t live with any furniture, just a coffee table. I often combed my hand across the table just to remember that day. Throughout the night sitting up I would think about what she did, what I did. The countless reasons for why would circle my brain; I just wanted to end it.

Tomorrow night, I’ll do it. We were family, what has she done… she needs to stop NOW.

Gone.

She will be gone, out of my life. Tomorrow night, out of my world, everyone’s world. One swift edge right through her to end it all. No one will know.

Alice was my best friend for years, practically brother and sister. When we were younger we would stay outside for hours planning our lives together. We would live right next to each other, see each other every day, at least that was the plan.

Last time I saw her. Thursday… Thursday night. I opened my front door. Her face was demonic the fire behind her anger roared from her eyes. Tears rolling down her cheeks. The dripping mascara covered her eyes blending in with the enclosing darkness. 

I couldn’t hear over the heavy breathing. But I could see the anger in her eyes building up. She lifted her pale hand from her pocket and pulled it back. The quick thought of “‘why”‘ shot through my head. Her hand swiftly smacked me across my face.

“HOW COULD YOU?!” she screamed.

“Wha,… wha what?” I murmured.

Those two words still haunt my mind. “He’s gone.”

Her husband was a big guy, who would only wear denim pants. They were married for around four years and were meant to have children.

I last saw him when we were boating on the sea. The night after him and Alice had a fight. It was just him and me. The stars in the night sky would reflect off the cascading raindrops while we went further out. The sea was rough that day waves crashing against the boat every second, but we stayed out. It was almost like those films with the lightning strikes and the giant waves towering over the boats.

The waves got too rough and hit the boat harder and harder every time. I had to push him off. We were going to sink, her husband could have killed both of us. One life is better than losing two; right?

For my sake, I had to push him off. What about Alice, she loved him. But I had to do it. My life was equally important, maybe more. Alice and I were family, she would’ve pick me over him. We spent our lives together, she couldn’t handle me gone. Her husband was nothing.

But what if she couldn’t handle him gone. I would lose her; gone out of my life. All our history down the drain. She would never forgive me. I could jeopardize our whole friendship. But she needed me. So I did it, I pushed him off.

I was stuck in the water for around an hour. I had lost her husband in the waves and was using the only life jacket aboard. It seemed it was never going to end. The waves crashing around, and the cold-hearted sea dragging me down slowly into the dark abyss.

Later I had been picked up by the coast guard after an hour. There was no trace of Alice’s husband. This was Tuesday night.

She thinks I did it. I was on the boat, in my pocket was a button from his pants. Plus the coastguard said the water got calmer after the boat tipped. But only I know what happened.

“HOW COULD YOU” she screamed again.

I remember constantly telling her I didn’t do it. But she wouldn’t take it.

“I didn’t do it.”

“I didn’t do it.”

I kept telling myself that, my life was more important.

Sitting in that corner, I listened to the cynical thoughts running through my mind, they were the endless garden that death had planted. That thought, that one itch, what if she found out I threw him off. She would leave me forever.

I didn’t do it but was she definitely thinking differently. I need to make her believe me, but I can’t. Maybe she would never.

She needs to stop thinking, stop believing. I need for her to forgive me. Or maybe for me to make her forget. I need to leave her or make her leave my world, into another where she won’t cause the harm she has done to me. The crumbling darkness she has done, the Infinite pain that was caused. I can never forgive her for that.

“Goodbye Alice.”